A Letter to Anthony Wiggle

Anthony, ill start this letter saying that it wasn’t always like this. Maybe it wasn’t me, but it is actually you?

You see, you were my first love. When I was a small 4 year old, I had a crush on you. Back when you were selling Halls with Greg, Murry and Jeff – not these arenas that would be literal torture to take my child to now. You see, I crushed so hard that I ran away from my mum when you were leaving, screaming and fan grilling so hard. I wanted to go home with you instead because – fangirl. You know.

So when I had my daughter, you were my silver fox. The one thing that I could stand in the new wiggles – then I met Lachy (well hypothetically – because TV screen)

I don’t know why, well I lie. I do know why.
My child will only watch the Emma and Lachy show now. Why? Because NO ANTHONY NO!

Do you want to know why she doesn’t like you?
She doesn’t understand the absolutely annoying and stupid Elvis impression that you ALWAYS DO!
It honestly Is infuriating.

Maybe you started it as an Ode to my 1995 grand parents – the ones who are old enough to have listened to the king of rock himself. Maybe it was to give my parents a giggle at remembering their parents? But Jesus Christ ANTHONY KIDS THIS AGE HAVE NO IDEA AND YOUR SCARING THEM!

My daughter literally screams when you are dressed like the king of rock. I don’t know why you have to imitate him.

Ill be honest, when you leave the wiggles. I will most likely shed a tear or 1000 because you are the man who means so much to me and my child hood. The one thing I hold onto, the one thing that hasn’t changed (think 2005 Bananas in pyjamas animation change – that fucking sucked and made me so angry as a 10 year old)

But I guess it proves that like everything in this world – you need to change or leave.
Simon is currently singing in my house right now (well on the TV) and hes great! He may be older but he has his shit together. He isn’t pretending to be in the 1940s or whenever Elvis was around.

Please. Just . Stop

Signed by your once biggest fan
The mum of an angry two year old.

ps – I still love you, even if my child hates you. I just can no longer admit to her that your my favourite when she asks.

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